It is currently 20 Jan 2018 07:13




 Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
Post Number:#1  PostPosted: 24 Aug 2013 09:45 
Site Admin
User avatar
Offline

Joined: 07 Mar 2009 07:41
Posts: 6395
Location: Bay of plenty
Custom: The Farter
This is a very short but sad tale but a very true tale of hunting in the NZ bush and finding out who your real friends are..
It was a hot day as we drove to our hunting posy(site) as we left the 4x4 ute behind us we had a 5k hike over rough ground to get to our overnight camp site. The camp was all set up and there was still ample daylight for us to go for a quick scout about to see what game was around ready for an early start the next morning, we were looking for red deer which are abundant and classed as a pest in NZ. They have a nasty habit of eating the soft shoots off the regenerating bush plants.
Now one of the lads had developed a rather nasty sweat rash in his nether regions on the 5k hike up to the base camp site, having no creams or lotions to cure the problem he used a little bit of gun oil in the hope it might stop the friction and so ease the painful rash he had developed. Eager to scout out our new posy, our rather sore mate said he wanted to go with us, it was suggested that as we were in the middle of nowhere he forgo his pants and daks and let the air get at his nasty rash. He wore bush singlet that would cover his nether regions and saving his dignity, plus any ribald comments on his manhood we might make. It was agreed beforehand that no firearms would be taken, this to prevent any accidents of being shoot for looking like a deer. Which i might add is fairly common in NZ we have at least one fatality each year of hunters shooting their mates from not identifying their targets before pulling the trigger. The excuse of i thought i was a deer! doesn’t go down well with the police as they charge you with manslaughter.
At the appointed time that we had agreed to, we all returned back to our campsite, well all except one, our rash boy was missing. Thinking to give him a few more minutes to return, the billy was placed on the fire and our evening meal preparations began. Then one of the lads saw him coming out of the bush line, across a clearing came our gallant missing mate , Somebody remarked that he was walking funny, like someone with a balloon between his knees obviously the gun oil wasn’t working to well and that the sweat rash must be really bad. Nearing the camp he started getting some nasty comments about his walk.” Hey boy you @#$# yourself” “Nar” came the reply “I’ve found a patch of hook grass” lifting up his bush singlet to his waist. (He was a hairy lad) and from his waist down to his ankles, he was absolutely covered in hook grass seeds, we all broke out in a spat of laughter. There were hundreds of the pesky things hanging from every hair he had. “ stop laughing you @#@#@s it’s not funny ,the buggers have linked hands and have stuck the hairs on my backside together and its so painful, help me out lads”. More laughter as we observed that the hairs on his bum crack had been neatly stitched together as good as any good top notch Savil row tailor could sew. More laughter as someone threw him a comb” get cracking lad or you’ll be up all night getting rid of them, aw! come on lads give us a hand “ how the hell am i supposed to get them out of my bum crack?.” More ribald comments and laughter. We sat down to a few beers and stew as we watched the nights entertainment with him sitting on a log trying to comb out the seeds. Somebody felt sorry for him and offered to comb his backside, as his antics of trying to reach the seeds on his nether regions coupled with his howls of pain as each seed was removed complete with the attached hair was making us cry with hysterics. He bent over the log to allow his backside to be unstitched, then there was this rumbling noise coming from his stomach as the cries of a muffled, stifled fart emerged. “Bugger that says our mate I don’t mind giving you a hand but I’m not staying near that arse of yours whilst it gives me fanfares of encouragement” handing him back the comb. We turned in for the night amid his howls and cursing us all. We were up before dawn and our mate was nowhere to be seen, calling him we soon found him, he was sitting up to his waist in the creek that was nearby. with the cool water flowing around him He said he’d been there most of the night due to the hot pain he had been feeling after removing all those seeds and hairs. Then when he stood up you could see that he was red raw where all the hairs had been plucked out and not a hair remained.
Our mate stayed in camp for the rest of the hunt, which proved to be quite successful and we bagged two deer. A nine point stag and a spiker. Come to the end of the hunt and the walk out of the bush, we each carried extra loads which included his pack and the venison equally shared out. We stopped about every fifteen minutes to allow our mate to catch up, well that’s what we told him, actually carrying out the extra loads was quite exhausting and we were more than happy to see the vehicle As a remembrance of his trip we left him the stags head.
Now when ever we go off hunting we always make sure there is an ample supply of creams in our packs.
Image

This is just a small infestation of the little buggers, each tail has a hook like a snig chain and once there on there really on.



_________________
ImageKISS ( KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID
Click Here For Whakatane Harbour Web-Cam
 Profile  
 
Post Number:#2  PostPosted: 25 Aug 2013 07:51 
Site Admin
User avatar
Offline

Joined: 27 Mar 2009 15:43
Posts: 10891
Location: Sunderland
knowing les i think he would have prescribed a meths dowsing just for a bigger laugh



_________________
Image
click on the image for the live cam
Image
GiffGaff free sim cards unbeatable payGo tariffs
Click here

Image
Sailor's Home@facebook
 Profile  
 
Post Number:#3  PostPosted: 25 Aug 2013 23:32 
Member
User avatar
Offline

Joined: 20 Jan 2009 06:13
Posts: 3202
Location: Newcastle NSW Australia
Custom: That is the way the mop flops
That and a throw away razor Tom. Got a short one for you Geoff.

We where at the pub in Eucla WA topping up our bllod levels as was many others there. One bushy decided that he was going to go and left the pub. Another couple left shortly after in a ute pi**d as anything so decided to camp for the night. Apparently from what we got told the next night. So pi**d that he just missed running over a bush so that looked like a good place to stop. Had a good leak on the bush after that and had the great thought of heating up a can of beans before getting some shut eye. Set fire to the bush to heat the can up. What happened next was the first bloke sprung out of the fire and the second one was trying to placate him with a open can of beans. Mean what else would you do while being two sheets to the wind. Not as good as hearing it verbally. Not trying to detract from your story mate just that at times one has to be there to really get the full humour. Now the question I will ask? scenarios like this is firmly in ones nut and years later I would be doing something and it would pop into the nut and I could not stop laughing again over it. So hence the strange looks I sometimes got from work mates at times and no matter how I tried to relate it could not explain the situation in full. Do you have these moments or is it just me.



_________________
ImageThat is the way the mop flops.

MY GALLERY COLLECTION
 Profile  
 
Post Number:#4  PostPosted: 26 Aug 2013 10:25 
Site Admin
User avatar
Offline

Joined: 07 Mar 2009 07:41
Posts: 6395
Location: Bay of plenty
Custom: The Farter
Good one Les, i could just imagine it happening :thumbsupp: :thumbsupp:
Reminds me of an incident many moons ago. 3 of us bought an old ice cream van and converted it into a camper. wanting to try it out we decided to drive to Tenby on the Friday night for a long weekend. After stopping a few times at the local pubs along the way, we ran into a real pea soup fog fog: by Kilgetty. you couldn't see your hand in front of your face, so we pulled over for the night. Bright and early next morning we opened the door to a lovery sunny morning.Only to find we were parked on somebody's front lawn, how we missed the gate post or even the house still amazes me. So a mad scramble was done to leave asap. Ive often wondered what the house owner thought when he saw our tyre marks, plus the three neat curly wurly's complete with toilet paper that looked like flags on sand castles on his front lawn. :scratchhead:



_________________
ImageKISS ( KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID
Click Here For Whakatane Harbour Web-Cam
 Profile  
 
Post Number:#5  PostPosted: 26 Aug 2013 16:08 
Site Admin
User avatar
Offline

Joined: 27 Mar 2009 15:43
Posts: 10891
Location: Sunderland
th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif



_________________
Image
click on the image for the live cam
Image
GiffGaff free sim cards unbeatable payGo tariffs
Click here

Image
Sailor's Home@facebook
 Profile  
 
Post Number:#6  PostPosted: 26 Aug 2013 22:29 
Member
User avatar
Offline

Joined: 20 Jan 2009 06:13
Posts: 3202
Location: Newcastle NSW Australia
Custom: That is the way the mop flops
Sounds like we have the same person looking after both of us mate. Went fishing with the son and of course it bucketed down on arrival but persisted until the morning. When leaving found out that the entrance had two narrow planks to navigate and it took me a long while to get out of there as there was no give in getting it wrong and to do so would mean being stuck well and truly in the mud. How the feck we just drove in there in the first place while it was hissing down and night time has me beat.



_________________
ImageThat is the way the mop flops.

MY GALLERY COLLECTION
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  

 Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:

cron