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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2281  PostPosted: 03 Oct 2016 05:03 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2282  PostPosted: 04 Oct 2016 07:07 
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grant, you dig up some crackers mate :thumbsupp:

merchant42 wrote:
I am sure plenty of us feel this way !!!......lol

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now this is a daily event now th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2283  PostPosted: 04 Oct 2016 18:24 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2284  PostPosted: 09 Oct 2016 04:30 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2285  PostPosted: 10 Oct 2016 21:24 
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looks like vikki running out for chicken wings th_lmao1-vi.gif

viewtopic.php?p=46387#p46387



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2286  PostPosted: 16 Oct 2016 14:18 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2287  PostPosted: 18 Oct 2016 03:18 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2288  PostPosted: 28 Oct 2016 06:07 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2289  PostPosted: 04 Nov 2016 00:15 
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viewtopic.php?p=46485#p46485

how very true glen th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2290  PostPosted: 07 Nov 2016 03:39 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2291  PostPosted: 10 Nov 2016 17:00 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2292  PostPosted: 11 Nov 2016 06:16 
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A friend of mine has two tickets for the final Formula 1 race of the season, the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, at the Yas Marina circuit on the weekend of the 25th - 27th November. They are box seats and include flights, hospitality and hotel accommodation. It didn't occur to him when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding.



If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Johns Church, Worcester at 2.15pm on the 26th. Her name is Janet. She’ll be the one in the white dress.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2293  PostPosted: 14 Nov 2016 00:35 
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grant mate you dig up some real crackers th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2294  PostPosted: 15 Nov 2016 02:38 
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Custom: LORD REGINALD OF THE MANOR!
:clap: :clap: Great jokes th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2295  PostPosted: 15 Nov 2016 02:39 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2296  PostPosted: 17 Nov 2016 06:00 
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Last edited by tomrca on 08 Dec 2016 11:18, edited 1 time in total.
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2297  PostPosted: 19 Nov 2016 03:06 
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The first time I heard about Paraprodokians, I liked them. Paraprodokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. ( Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where theres a will, I want to be in it.
2 The last thing I want to do is hurt you....but its still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright, until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we"d both be wrong.
5. We never grow up ..we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who are left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
10 In filling out an Application form where it says, in case of emergency notify... I answered , a Doctor.
11 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive, you only need a parachute to skydive twice
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure
14 To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target
15 Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You"re never too old to learn something stupid
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders . But its getting harder and harder to find one now.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2298  PostPosted: 21 Nov 2016 19:38 
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An Aussie Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the Blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?

The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'


'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.

Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'
'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer.

Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

And the Blonde entered Heaven...

... you're singing it now, aren't you¦??



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2299  PostPosted: 04 Dec 2016 03:01 
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A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk." The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray- haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2300  PostPosted: 11 Dec 2016 08:42 
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