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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2361  PostPosted: 04 Nov 2017 03:45 
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APPARENTLY THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES TAKEN FROM AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:

1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5) "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

7) "This young guy has delusions of adequacy."

8) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

9) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

10) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

11) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

12) "A gross ignoramus...144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

13) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.."

14) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15) "He's been working with glue too much."

16) "He would argue with a signpost."

17) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21) "A prime candidate for natural de-selection.."

22) "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it."

23) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming."

24) "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28) "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sp*rm."

29) "One neuron short of a synapse."

30) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31) "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 minutes'."

32) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2362  PostPosted: 06 Nov 2017 21:31 
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Location: Sunderland
Love those quotations th_lmao1-vi.gif



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2363  PostPosted: 13 Nov 2017 10:23 
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A man and his nephew Simon were in a boating accident. Nephew was badly injured and lost an arm, foot and internal injuries. Unfortunately the man did not survive nevertheless the surgeons used his limbs an internal organs to save the nephew.

A number of years later the nephew appeared on stars in their eyes, Mathew Kelly said to Simon, you have a story to tell that brought you to stars I their eyes don't you ? The nephew told Mathew Kelly the story of how his uncle had an accident and he and are now always together now.

After this story Mathew Kelly looked at the lucky young man and asked who are you going to be tonight he replied tonight Mathew I'm going to be Simon and halfuncle.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2364  PostPosted: 18 Nov 2017 06:41 
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Custom: LORD REGINALD OF THE MANOR!
Well Tom, The economist declares that if a fence were necessary the market would have provided one.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2365  PostPosted: 18 Nov 2017 06:41 
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Custom: LORD REGINALD OF THE MANOR!
Well Tom, The economist declares that if a fence were necessary the market would have provided one.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2366  PostPosted: 18 Nov 2017 06:43 
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Custom: LORD REGINALD OF THE MANOR!
Well Tom, The economist declares that if a fence were necessary the market would have provided one.
[arsekiss]



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