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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2361  PostPosted: 04 Nov 2017 03:45 
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APPARENTLY THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES TAKEN FROM AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:

1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5) "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

7) "This young guy has delusions of adequacy."

8) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

9) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

10) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

11) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

12) "A gross ignoramus...144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

13) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.."

14) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15) "He's been working with glue too much."

16) "He would argue with a signpost."

17) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21) "A prime candidate for natural de-selection.."

22) "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it."

23) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming."

24) "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28) "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sp*rm."

29) "One neuron short of a synapse."

30) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31) "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 minutes'."

32) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2362  PostPosted: 06 Nov 2017 21:31 
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Love those quotations th_lmao1-vi.gif



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2363  PostPosted: 13 Nov 2017 10:23 
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A man and his nephew Simon were in a boating accident. Nephew was badly injured and lost an arm, foot and internal injuries. Unfortunately the man did not survive nevertheless the surgeons used his limbs an internal organs to save the nephew.

A number of years later the nephew appeared on stars in their eyes, Mathew Kelly said to Simon, you have a story to tell that brought you to stars I their eyes don't you ? The nephew told Mathew Kelly the story of how his uncle had an accident and he and are now always together now.

After this story Mathew Kelly looked at the lucky young man and asked who are you going to be tonight he replied tonight Mathew I'm going to be Simon and halfuncle.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2364  PostPosted: 18 Nov 2017 06:41 
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Custom: LORD REGINALD OF THE MANOR!
Well Tom, The economist declares that if a fence were necessary the market would have provided one.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2365  PostPosted: 18 Nov 2017 06:41 
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Well Tom, The economist declares that if a fence were necessary the market would have provided one.



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2366  PostPosted: 18 Nov 2017 06:43 
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Well Tom, The economist declares that if a fence were necessary the market would have provided one.
[arsekiss]



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2367  PostPosted: 28 Nov 2017 18:38 
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Diane Abbott visited Vincent Nichols, Archbishop of Westminster.

She told the Archbishop that Jeremy Corbyn would be attending the next day's Mass and she asked if the Archbishop would kindly point him out to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Jeremy a saint.

The Archbishop replied, "No. I don't really like the man and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic church over certain of his views."

Abbott then said, "Look, I'll write a cheque here and now for a donation of £250,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation that you see Jeremy as a saint."

The Archbishop thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Abbott had indicated, Jeremy Corbyn appeared for the Sunday worship and seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the centre aisle.

As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Archbishop pointed out that Mr Corbyn was present.


The Archbishop went on to explain to the congregation, "While Mr Corbyn's presence is probably an honour to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favourite personages. Some of his most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Jeremy Corbyn is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. He is also a serial liar, a cheat and a thief. I must say, Jeremy Corbyn is the worst example of a Christian I have ever personally witnessed. He falsely obtained Union money and is using this wealth to lie to the British People. He also has a reputation for shirking his representative obligations. The man is simply not to be trusted.

The Archbishop concluded, "but, when compared with Dianne Abbott, Jeremy Corbyn is a saint."



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2368  PostPosted: 12 Dec 2017 20:01 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2369  PostPosted: 12 Dec 2017 20:05 
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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2370  PostPosted: 12 Dec 2017 20:45 
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Great merchant42 th_lmao1-vi.gif th_lmao1-vi.gif .
I shall take this opportunity to wish you a very happy Xmas & new year.
Reg



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 Post subject: Re: A Few Jokes
Post Number:#2371  PostPosted: 13 Dec 2017 02:54 
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And too you and all at Sailor's Home A very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You All !!

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